


An Axe to Rind

by zerozerokyu



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Grocery Shopping, Hangry Q is bitey Q, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerozerokyu/pseuds/zerozerokyu
Summary: James managed to get Q to go grocery shopping with him at a physical shop.It was supposed to be a simple in and out trip to the supermarket. Go in for all the groceries that James has promised he had made a list of, add a few more other stray items along the way, pay for them and get out as fast as possible.James has promised him and Q will quote, “Be in and out in a jiffy.”. He should have never believed him, he is an idiot for agreeing to the idea even if James has promised to let him buy as many tubs of ice cream he could carry in his arms.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43
Collections: 007 Fest Fancreations





	An Axe to Rind

**Author's Note:**

> Anon Prompt #47/2020 - James and Q argue about what marmalade to buy from the store. 
> 
> Cuz marmalade shopping is hard for me and I have questionable taste in jams and marmalades as a friend so nicely point out.

It was supposed to be a simple in and out trip to the supermarket. Go in for all the groceries that James has promised he had made a list of, add a few more other stray items along the way, pay for them and get out as fast as possible. 

James has promised him and Q will quote, “Be in and out in a jiffy.”. He should have never believed him, he is an idiot for agreeing to the idea even if James has promised to let him buy as many tubs of ice cream he could carry in his arms.

Q hates that he is now physically at the supermarket when he could just order everything he needed online with a click of a button. But here he is, with a very relaxed James who looks so natural walking up and down the aisle with a basket in his dress down clothes of mossy green Hanley, blue jeans that hug his bottom and his product free hair tousled like he just rolled out of bed. Their basket slowly fills up with each aisle they go past.

‘He probably did roll out of bed since it is his downtime from missions since he came to get me from work plus he scared the living daylights out of the poor new minions.’ Q though as he glares at the rows and rows of crisps on display wondering why he is even in this aisle. He does not even like crisp especially after nearly choking on them while wolfing them down the last time.

Q glared at the passing ladies with the look that says ‘my-boyfriend-paws-off-or-I-will-bite!’ for eyeing up James and their eyes staying a little too long at where his jewels will be. Q hope that the message was sent to them loud and clear.

‘Good.’ Q though when they quickly walked away.

Q slowly walked by each colourful bag after he averted the crisis, trying to recall if he does need crisp or if James is getting a few in case Alec decided to crash on their sofa. Usually, he comes unannounced with the excuse of wanting to see his friend or just being bored. Q knows that is the code word for Alec being lonely and just wanted to stay over for movies and have company for meals. Life as an agent can get real lonely, James told him about it often.

As much as Q doesn’t mind Alec, Q somehow just could not stop the vodka guzzling Russian from breaking in no matter how hard he tried to agent proof their house. He is starting to suspect James is letting his best friend in just for the heck of it. Q will turn two blind eyes to that if it means his locks will not be broken each and every time Alec sneaks in, hack he will even ‘accidentally’ reveal where the key is hidden just to keep his house intact. He remembered nearly being half frightened to death once day when he stumbled home half asleep from pulling a long shift at work and finding a dark shadow munching on crisps and the glow of his two cats staring at him from the stranger’s lap. 

“Why are you burning a hole through the poor bags of New York Cheddar crisps, Q?” came the smooth voice of James standing much too close to him with a wide grin as he picked up a bag to examine the content.

Q shrugged, throwing in a few bags he remembered Alec raving about it being delicious. He might just open up a bag of it in the case of munchies while coding in the middle of the night. He has to make sure he has a glass of water beside him in case a stray crisp got lodged in his throat again. Heimlich manoeuvre is no fun even if it is done by James.

‘Here lies Q. Death by crisp!” Q laughed at the thought of that written on his tombstone but schooled his laughter back to glare at James. He is still supposed to be grumpy at James for forcing him to come in contact with humans outside of work.

“I’m wondering what we are doing here when all this could be easily done over the web. I’m the Quar… No, I mean the head of tech and a very good one if I must point out.” Q quickie added. He wants to smack himself for the slip-up.

“Nice save, Emerson. Way to go.” James chuckles and walks off to the next section.

Q wanted to smack that smug bastard right at that moment for mocking him when he had revealed his true name to plenty of people after his handler had carefully created a fake id to use for the mission.

“Better than you! You go up to the enemy and tell them your name like a complete idiot and act so surprised when people start coming after you with guns. Ha! I enjoy watching your sorry ass get shot.”

James just shrugs again, saying a quick ‘Thank you’ to Q for watching his lovely bottom at each mission. Oh Q wants to strangle his partner at this moment for always being able to come up with many different lines to rile him up. Maybe today is just not his day since he wanted to throttle James six times in the past fifteen minutes they were in Sainsbury's.

James tapped on Q’s shoulder. “Are we out of jam and bread for breakfast tomorrow?”

“Not jam, we still have plenty of it in the cupboard to add to tea if Alec pops by but we are out of marmalade. Not sure about bread through...” Q tries to recall if there is anything else they might need while James carefully guides him to the correct aisle as Q furiously tapped on his phone to find the list he may or may not have made while bored.

“We are always out of marmalade, Q. I’m starting to think we have a little brown bear living in our home.”

“Are you calling me Paddington?” Q gasps indignantly and quickly toss in some Builder's tea that is on sale.

James just shrugs but the smile on his lips grew wider with each passing second as they approached the marmalade section.

“Now which are we getting?” James pickles up two jars. “Thick, thin or black?”

“No black, that is disgusting.” Q made a face.

“Okay fine, shall we get some thin-cut lemon marmalade this time? It will go well with croissants down at the corner.” James put a jar into the basket.

Q swiftly fishes the offensive jar out of the basket and replaces it with thick-cut orange marmalade. “Orange is better with it, less bitter and much more refreshing.” 

James picked the jar out and put them back, replacing it back with two different jars of lemon and pink grapefruit daring him to remove it from the basket in his hand. James’ hand poise to wave the stray hand a wack if needed.

“Pink grapefruit doesn't go well with anything, it tastes much worse than lemon. So bitter.” Q gag at the thought of it.

“Unlike you, I like my marmalade complicated in flavour and bitterness...”

“You don’t even eat grapefruit the last time I bought it!”

“I do!”

“You don’t. Don’t bother lying. You took a bite and spit it out, made a face and proceeded to take it off my hand to have it dumped.” Q’s fingers curled as he thought he was wringing an imaginary neck.

“I have acquired a taste for the bitter…”

“Bitter like you?” Q blurted out without thinking.

“And you’re dating the bitter person,” James added another jar of marmalade in the flavour of ‘Tropical Calamansi’.

Q wants to scream at that moment seeing the choice of marmalade in the basket. He slowly sneaks closer when James is turned away, looking at rows of honey to try replacing some of them with orange marmalade.

“Don’t even think about it, Paddington.” James calmly said, not even looking away from the honey. Q pouts like a child being caught doing something naughty.

‘Agents and their eyes at the back of their head.’ Q continues glaring at the offensive group of marmalade jar, coming up with more plans to sneak them out.

“Stop calling me Paddington!” Q whines when James starts calling him by that name.

“Well come along now, _mathan beag_ , we still have more things to buy.”

“Rude! You’re still calling me a bear.” 

“Little Bear.” James corrected him as they continued towards the bakery. 

Q kept up his sulking throughout their round around the supermarket, only answering when asked. He refused to give in to the temptation of forgiving the man even if he is putting in his favourite ice cream, frozen pizza or dino nuggets. Q was about to forgive him at that instance for getting the dino nuggets. But Q decided to go with the hard stare.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that? Is it me or is it getting hot in here? Why do I feel so...”

“ _Uncomfortable. Flushed. Queasy._ ” Q went back to putting more intensity into the stare. “It’s called a hard stare.” 

James sighs as he had about enough of dealing with a pouty little boffin trailing after him and turned. “Stop the sulking and the _hard stare_ won’t you? People are starting to think we had a fight.”

“But we did.”

“Okay fine, maybe we did. Now let’s just get this over with. So tell me, Emerson, what is your favourite marmalade and how do you eat it?” James sighs, finally giving up on continuing the joke.

“Orange, thick-cut marmalade with a good amount of rind on white bread. Oh, how I would do anything for one now. I’m hungry.” Q just realized how hungry he really is from his tummy rumbling.

James chuckles, clearly amused at the answer. “And how often do you eat that said sandwich which Paddington seems to be very fond of?”

“Most days? Nope... wait, daily. What does my sandwich preference… Ah… Now I see it, I do behave like Paddington.” Q scratched his neck sheepishly.

“And you always wear the blue duffle coat which by the way looks so cute on you. Remind me to get you that fire engine red hat and Wellies to go along with the whole ensemble.”

Q started laughing at how ridiculous the idea is, especially the thought of him turning up to work in a Wellies boots. Eve will never let him live it down. He wonders if he should go for it for one day just to amuse himself. Q mused on the ideas as James guided him through the whole place with a hand on his back to make sure he does not end up smacking into the pyramid of canned tomatoes. Q’s tummy rumbled again and this time much louder and sounded like an angry whine of a stomach that is threatening to self-digest itself if not fed soon.

“Shall we check out now? I’m getting tired of walking around and feeding you is at the top of the list. You get _hangry_ and I don’t want to deal with you trying to bite my arm like the last time. Give me a moment.” James walked quickly to the jam aisle to put back the pink grapefruit and ‘Tropical Calamansi’ to be replaced with two orange marmalade jars with a bold print that says _‘Extra Rind’_. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I don’t have an axe to _rind_ with you today.” James grins as he holds up the jar, cackling at the joke.

Q gave into his urge and smacked James hard. The hiss James made was worth the throbbing pain Q suffered in his hand for the wack as they wait to be checked out.

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is. Enjoy, comment and give kudos. I'm starved for it lately sadly.


End file.
